dear alcohol

March 28, 2010

First and foremost, let me tell you that I’m a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, beer at the game, and you’re even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we’re stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I’ve been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls:

While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends / girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:

Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat at WHAT-A-BURGER, or JACK-IN-THE -BOX, or DENNY’S and some cold french fries (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Snickers bar after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I’m an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:

Unless you’re subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It’s completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:

The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening’s debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities. Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You’ve been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don’t know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan


1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon


1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-aggressive disorder


1. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?

5. Oh, I couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing.

i just got off the phone with a friend who is dealing with alot of issues with his pregnant ex-girlfriend. although i dont know her very well, she displays alot of characteristics that most immature teenagers have when they are pregnant for the first time. this got me to thinking about the semester of community nursing when i worked with pregnant high schoolers. at the moment i didn’t appreciate the time i had with the girls and guys, and the knowledge that i could impart upon them. however, now i see the huge importance that education has on them. working as an army nurse, you get alot of young teens/adults who are parents. some are having their third and fourth child, while others are experiencing their first child. everytime i see one, my heart goes out to them because these parents are so young and still growing themselves. they aren’t able to fully understand the hardships they are putting themselves through right now. most are immature and scared, they dont have the knowledge and wherewithall to take care of themselves let alone a little child. now dont get me wrong, some of these young adults have a great understanding of what is to come and are responsible parents…. but its far and few between that you find the ones who have their stuff together. my heart breaks everytime we as nurses have to write out social work consults, and too many are written everyday.

over the past four months, i’ve been pondering what it is that i actually want to specialize in as a nurse. i think my heart goes out and has gone out to the birth process. from educating in the prenatal stage all the way through the labor and delivery process as well as the postpartum process. eventually i would love to get my women’s health and family nurse practitioner so that i can work more closely with the education process of both new moms and dads. 🙂 can’t wait till i can start… but first, i must take the L&D course with the army. one step at a time!

March 24, 2010


… all things i think of when i think of the river …

March 21, 2010

is very confused. when people have a good thing right in front of them, why do they continue looking elsewhere? why don’t they recognize it? eventually, that good thing will no longer be there… then what will you do?

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from here to where you’d be
It’s only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I’d find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I’ve found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I’m miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have travelled so far
We’d set the fire to the third bar
We’d share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can’t keep in

I’m miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

25th birthday

March 14, 2010

to much dismay, my 25th birthday came. ha! although, it was spent in austin with some amazing people. one of my best friends, briana, came out from california and spent 5 days with me. friday night we drove down to austin, about an hour drive south of my apartment and settled into the hotel room on 5th street. we decided to get dinner so we went to El Sol y La Luna restaurant. briana told them it was my birthday, so i got sung to by a mariachi band. briana and i were dying laughing, the rest of the weekend we kept going around screaming “feliz cumplianos, ASHLEY!!!!” even though it was about 11 before we hit the bars, we met up with our friend Bryan who ended up showing us all around Austin the rest of the weekend. after about 5 bars that night we finally made it back to our room…

saturday, we slept in a little bit (around 3 is when i think we started getting up for the day) haha. but we got dressed and decided we needed to eat tonight before the shenanigans started. briana had never gone to the melting pot before and since her and i love to take romantic dates together, we decided why not. *side note: her and i say all the time that we dont need any men in our lives cause we have the perfect relationship. we can go to dinner and not have to talk about feelings or emotions or “get to know one another”. and most often we dont even try to have romantic dates, it just awkwardly happens. at first it used to wierd us out, not its just another day for us ahaha. anyways, back to the night. after dinner we met up with Bryan for his friend Josh’s birthday at Lanai. we met a bunch of bryans friends and took birthday shots at midnight. lanai was nice, but it was an “older” crowd so we decided we wanted to go back to 6th street and barhop. the girls thought this was a great idea so off we went to explore… i can’t name all the bars we went to but i feel like between the three nights, we’ve hit up every one, and there are ALOT. we did alot of dancing, drinking, dancing, shots, dancing, and walking of course. and of course, briana got recognized alot which was funny cause we would end up just walking away from them, so i have alot of pictures being posted by people i do not know but they wanted to take pictures so eh, why not.

sunday Bryan picked us up and took us to Salt Lick, a great barbecue place. apparently they are world reknown, it was pretty awesome i must say. he then drove us to a point where theres a scenic overlook of austin in the distance. the bridge i guess is in alot of famous pictures so… eh. mark that off the bucket list haha. also, on the list of things that day, bryan took us to see the oasis restaurant in austin. we didn’t actually go in but he took us to the lake to see it from a distance. two of his friends, d.j. and alex actually live in the houses on the property so we dropped off their dogs (they had been on a cruise for a week) and hung around for awhile. bryan ended up taking us home to take a nap and then the plan was to meet him, d.j. and alex for dinner at a great sushi restaurant, kenichi. briana and i got there at the time planned, but they arrived an hour late so we got some drinks at the bar and watched the basketball game. eventually they arrived and although im not a big fan i really enjoyed this sushi. it was the expensive good kind 🙂 we had lots of sake and i had a unique cake. it was the shape of a penis but it was delicious. fried banana and strawberrys with ice cream and wonton pastry. between all 6 of us, it was gone. lol. after dinner i think we literally hit the bars at 1130, but it was the best night. we didnt even stay that long at the bars, we’d go in take a shot then hit the next bar up. the night consisted of: we probably hit up 20 different bars, i rode a mechanical bull, danced on the bar, heard a lame joke as a birthday present from a bum, got in a fight with a fat dude (fists thrown, hit and all), and enjoyed a nice bicycle ride back to our hotel room.

monday, we got up kinda early cause we wanted to hit up green mesquite for lunch (as is our tradition) before briana hopped on her bird.

now… pictures are in no particular order so the weekend thus shall be seen:

needless to say, austin is making my stint in texas a little bit more bearable. i have officially found an awesome place to hang out at. LOVE IT! so here’s to a great year, hopefully will be the best so far!!!

March 13, 2010

I suddenly feel really glad to be where i am today.

Maybe it’s the run at 6am effect.

Or the fact that i find myself falling in love with random things and concepts, every single day

moving on…

March 9, 2010

i’ve done alot of thinking lately and dont really know if any of this will make sense… but i think i just need to think outloud or vent in a way.   this past year i’ve continuously heard that i need to ‘love who you are and love will find you.’  i feel as if this is true, its just hard practicing it.  over the past three years i’ve taken alot of time to work on me and to figure out who i truly am.  recently i fell in love with the person that i am.  i wouldn’t change anything about me, faults and all.  i am a kind, (com)passionate, empathetic woman.  i have realized recently that i am a person who gives wholeheartedly in my friendships and relationships, and sometimes i give too much of myself.  i am a very emotional person and this tends to be both a blessing and a curse at times. 

i dont know if this thought process has come about out of plain curiosity or due to the fact that the past few months i’ve had two exes contact me and actually apologize cause they realized they effed up.   it makes me wonder sometimes because more than one has recently said that if distance werent an issue we’d be together, they just cant do the long distance relationship.  which brings up another issue, obviously if these guys claimed to really like me the distance wouldn’t be a problem.  i’ve always believed that if a guy truly loves you he’ll make sure to do what is needed to make sure he doesn’t lose you.   so having said that…. i think its time for me to move on and leave the past in the past.


Slow to trust but I’m quick to love; I push too hard and I give too much; I ain’t sayin’ I’m perfect but I promise I’m worth it.

March 8, 2010

best. birthday weekend. ever. 

post and pics to follow…