back to you

May 15, 2010

We’ve all done it. And if we haven’t all done it, we’ve definitely thought about doing it.

If you’re thinking about going back to “The One That Got Away,” here’s some things to keep in mind:

  1. It’s only romantic the first time you go back.
  2. If you keep going back, then they are no longer “The One That Got Away” and instead become “The One You Tried To Ignore By Deleting All Of Their Contact Information, But During The Long Lonely Nights Dug Into Your Secret Contact Info Hiding Place And Called Out Of Desperation.”
  3. There’s a possibility that you are glorifying the relationship you had with the person because you feel bad for the single version of yourself.
  4. He can change but it’s highly unlikely that he actually has. Even if he pinky swears. With a cherry on top.
  5. No man is ever going to say “Yes. Of course my intentions are to hurt you, use you and then tell all my friends the intimate and slightly fabricated details of our relationship.” So when you explain to your girlfriends and defend the situation by saying, “Oh but he said he would never intentionally hurt me,” think a little more carefully. As a guy, with any sense of human interaction on the dating scale, the first line you learn is “I would never intentionally hurt you.” and just to clarify, that doesn’t mean he won’t hurt you.
  6. Going back just because you know he already bought your birthday present probably isn’t noble, but if you already know it’s something you really wanted, try to keep it on the DL. This DOES NOT mean telling all of your girlfriends that you’re back with him just for the gift, because it will get back to him, I repeat, it will get back to him. If you insist on being materialistic, you probably shouldn’t broadcast it. Then its no gorgeous quilted Chanel bag AND no boyfriend for you.
  7. A chocolate coma induced pity party is not reason enough to go back.
  8. You’d better be prepared to look hot all of the time. I’m just saying if you go back, you have to really prove yourself and that means no more boyfriend jeans and long cardigans. Comfort takes a backseat, but then again, so could you.
  9. You will actually have to learn to love the flaws that you weren’t too worried about before. Exhibit A, his favorite past time of clipping his toe nails while he watches Sports Center. Sexy.
  10. You will have to win over his family all over again.
  11. You may think you’ll have the upper hand because he seems so miserable and lonely with his scruffy, unkept look, but the minute he doesn’t have to beg for you back anymore, it’s back to his normal amount of confidence, if not more, because hey, he just won back a girl he lost.

Good luck and if it doesn’t work out, you know you’re always welcome in the single life!


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