September 28, 2010

the hardest thing to hear in the world is that of a doctor telling a first time mom that he can’t find a heartbeat.  Here was my dilemma today at work. I tried for ten minutes to find a heartbeat.  I could feel the baby… this lady was tiny.  I mean i could seriously feel the baby’s head, I could see the baby’s butt.  WHY WASN”T I GETTING A HEARTBEAT???  My heart was racing. I asked another nurse to check behind me.  Maybe i was missing something, not in the right spot or just completely off today.  I mean I didn’t have my coffee like I normally do and I didn’t really sleep well last night.  Maybe it was just me.  I get the dopplar for her and my worst fears become reality.  She can’t find anything either.  She, like me, tried all over the belly. So my next step is to call the doctor to get an ultrasound to confirm. Yep, nothing either.  And they find that there is hardly any fluid surrounding the baby.  I started to cry as I stand there along with the doctors as the husband asks, “So what are you trying to tell us?”.  The doctors response cuts like a knife…”what Im trying to do is find a heartbeat, and quite frankly I can’t.”  

There are no words to describe the mixed emotions left in that room.  What is going on in their heads?  How do you support someone going through such a loss?  I can’t even imagine going through that kind of pain. Knowing that only three weeks from now you should be taking home your first son or daughter… to now have those dreams dashed.  And to think that this isn’t even the hardest part.  Yeah, hearing you no longer have a baby growing inside of you is hard.  But to have to then go through the labor process.  I mean how do you go home and have to continually look at a nursery full of stuff? That would be the worst… it’s like a daily reminder of what you weren’t able to bring home with you.  😦

ok… well now that i’ve ranted about my difficult and VERY emotional day. I wish you all a great and blessed day.


One Response to “”

  1. Lorinda symens said

    So deeply sad… may the compassion you felt at that bedside in this first time experience not become hardened with time of it playing out again in some other situation in the future. That mom will always need you to be there in that moment to share in it as you walk the journey they are thrust into.

    May the God of grace and mercy protect your heart, soothe your mind and strengthen you for this calling of bringing safely into the world, the life of Gods sons/daughters. That you will develop your heart to have what words can possibly be said to bring calm to a racing heart of the mom who is panicked, hopeless and afraid, in the name of Jesus..
    Loving you my daughter… Mom

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