please visit me in triage if…

November 21, 2010

I absolutely LOVE working in the triage for the reason alone that people have the craziest and wierdest reasons as to why they come in, therefore making my day/night.  However, most times they are crazy and really didn’t need to be there taking up one of my beds, having said this i don’t do STUPID.

so please come see me in triage if…

1) you didn’t listen to your doctor when he told you there is a chance for spotting after a cervical exam or stripping of membranes.

2) you felt a “contraction” and needed to come in.  when i ask you how far apart your contractions are, you continue to inform me that they come “maybe once an hour” and when i ask how bad the pain is you tell me “oh i really can’t feel them, but i wanted to come in in case im in labor”.

3) you really are just tired of being pregnant, and rather than going through the labor process, you’d like to have a ceserean section and right now. –oh follow me this way, we have an OR specifically for this reason.

4) you are having contractions every minute and insist that i make them stop.

5) i especially love it when you tell me you are spotting/bleeding, and when i ask you if you had sex recently you tell me “my husband is deployed.” –well that’s awesome, but i asked if you had sex recently.

6) your husband/boyfriend decided at 3:30am he really didn’t want to go to PT this morning, so you came up with a reason of chest pain to come into triage… honestly, thank you because i love getting to practice my EKG skills, needle sticks and monitoring you for no real reason.

7) i do your cervical exam for the second time today because you swear you’re progressing. when we find out you haven’t and decide to send you walking for two hours; please, continue arguing with me that you think walking will not do anything.  you have two options, you can walk the hospital for two hours and i can then recheck  or you can walk yourself to your car and leave.–personally sometimes i prefer you do the second, but its your choice.   

8 ) when you come in to be checked, please bring every family member you have within a 50 mile radius and when i tell you we only allow one additional person in the triage room, please argue with me asking where they are supposed to go. –for starters maybe the waiting room?!

9) speaking of waiting rooms, when i tell you “my beds are full at the moment, if you’d like to have a seat in the waiting room i’d be happy to come and get the next person in line as soon as one opens up”, please tell me all the reasons why im mean for putting a pregnant lady who’s about to have a baby in a waiting room ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALL.–well tell that to the other 8 pregnant ladies i sent before you when you get there, thanks!

10) you come in because you are tired, fatigued, have back pain, have swollen feet, can’t see your feet, or any other reason. –have you not noticed that your pregnant? this comes with pregnancy, just so you know!

🙂

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