trust and forgiveness

lately i’ve dealt with issues of trust and forgiveness. i recently made a mistake and lied to a friend and this has since hindered our friendship and for that im sorry, because what i did is not normally like me.  i hate lying and i hate people who hurt others through lies. i truly am displeased with myself for having lost his trust in me.  i’ve apologized repeatedly and really dont know what else there is for me to show how sorry i am.  i was so hung up on why he wouldn’t forgive me so we could just move on, i didn’t realize that i truly had lost his trust in me. 

last night my devotional was on being forgiven to forgive.  it really got me to thinking about how i ask God to forgive me all the time, and i’ve been looking for Mike to forgive me, however when it comes down to it, how many times do i really forgive those who have wronged me?  so, last night at 0200 in the morning i made a list of all the times i could remember of being wronged by someone and forgave them, honestly.  i do not hold anything against those instances nor people anymore.  i didn’t do this so that hopefully karma would come back and mike would forgive me.  if he does, its because he chooses to.  i needed to do this to start a clean slate and move on with my life as a part of me has held on to these wrongs and hasn’t let go of the pain from them.  afterall, life is a process of learning about yourself, so here’s to one more learning experience.

so mike i’m sorry.  i truly love you and would never want to hurt you again. i hope you can forgive me, but if you dont i understand that as well.  love, me.

sparks, by coldplay 🙂

Did I drive you away?
I know what you’ll say.
You’ll say, “Oh, sing one we know”
But I promise you this,
I’ll always look out for you.
That’s what I’ll do.

And sing “oh”
I’ll sing “oh”

My heart is yours.
It’s you that I hold on to.
That’s what I’ll do.
But I know I was wrong,
And I won’t let you down.
(Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah I will, yes I will…)

But I’ll sing “oh”
I cry “oh”

Yeah I saw sparks,
Yeah I saw sparks,
And I saw sparks,
Yeah I saw sparks,
Singing out.

La, la, la, la, oh…
La, la, la, la, oh…
La, la, la, la, oh…
La, la, la, la, oh…